


Cherish

by aqonyx



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Baekchen - Freeform, Canon Universe, Chenbaek - Freeform, Cute, Fluff, Fluffy, Friends to Lovers, Friendship/Love, Kissing, M/M, Mutual Pining, Pining, baekhyun and chen are idiots
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-30
Updated: 2019-09-30
Packaged: 2020-11-08 13:35:35
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,988
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20836340
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aqonyx/pseuds/aqonyx
Summary: Basically just Baekhyun and Jongdae falling in love over the years.





	Cherish

**Author's Note:**

> Might correct this, it's very late right now. I love them a lot.

Baekhyun’s breath catches in his throat as he looks down onto his hands. He’s trembling, feeling almost too shaky to stand on his own legs. He works so hard for this every single day. He wants this so much. 

He doesn’t know if he’ll make it. Maybe the competition is too big. Maybe he just isn’t good enough. Maybe he should just stop trying. Maybe…

A hand comes to rest on his, stilling them, grounding him, making his head stop spinning. His eyes flicker to the right, finding Jongdae already looking at him.  
Jongdae, with his bright smile and crescent eyes and endless kindness. Jongdae, who’s been nothing but a friend to him. They’ve gone through all of this together, not against each other, not competing, as one would expect. Jongdae, who’s right there and has been all along. 

Baekhyun’s nerves still. He thinks that Jongdae has better chances than himself. He finds that it doesn’t bother him all that much.

“Let’s cheer for each other”, Jongdae says and squeezes his hand.

His eyes are warm like they’ve been when they first met. Sincere.

“I’ll cheer for you when you succeed”, Jongdae smiles, “I know you will”

Baekhyun doesn’t understand how he can be so selfless. Not when his success would mean Jongdae’s downfall. They can’t both make it. The company isn’t looking for two people.

But the curl on Jongdae’s lips doesn’t fade. He means it. Baekhyun doesn’t understand his kindness but he goes into the examination with a lighter heart.

* * *

Jongdae likes to listen to Baekhyun’s singing. He admires how much emotion he puts into his performances. He finds it easier to emerge himself into a song when they sing together.

It’s been a few months but Jongdae still can’t believe they both made it into the group. He hadn’t thought that was even an option.

But he’s looking at Baekhyun to his right, listening to him and it’s real. He almost forgets the crowd in front of them.

They’re on stage, they’re performing, young and inexperienced but talented to the bone. Baekhyun turns to him, communicating without words and Jongdae finds it easy to harmonize with him. After all, what did they train for together?

They don’t end up getting first place. It doesn’t really matter. Chanyeol is still stunned speechless and when he finally finds his voice, he praises them endlessly.

Jongdae has learned a lot too. Like for example that he wants nothing more but to sing with Baekhyun like this forever.

* * *

They end up in different groups and Baekhyun would lie if he said he isn’t a little heartbroken.

He is so close to Jongdae and has known him the longest too. He doesn’t want to go through this new step on their journey without him. He loves his members a lot but it just doesn’t feel one hundred percent right. 

He misses Jongdae a lot.

He spends his free time watching every video from their Chinese counterpart group that he can find. He thinks Jongdae has come so far and he tells him so every time they meet. 

“I’ll cheer for you”, he says softly to himself every time he is alone, as if it were an answer to what Jongdae had told him once, maybe a year or two ago.

* * *

Time passes quickly when you’re always busy. One member leaves. A second member leaves. A third follows.

Baekhyun is devastated but he doesn’t show it. His members don’t need him to make this even harder. He wants everyone to be happy.

He cries secretly at night before gathering all of his courage to sneak into bed with Yixing, taking advantage of the fact that he’s there for once.

The older doesn’t protest, just hugs Baekhyun and lets him stay.

“Are you leaving us too?”, he cries softly and Yixing feels burdened by the pain laced in the younger’s voice, feels like crying too and shakes his head.

“No”, he whispers and holds him a little tighter, “Never”

“Will you come back? Minseok, Jongdae and you?”, he asks and sniffles quietly, the names rolling off his tongue with difficulty.

He loves them all so much. He thinks of Jongdae, his soothing smile flashing behind his eyes, that smile he can barely ever see in person anymore because he’s been gone for so long and he cries a little harder. He feels like he needs Jongdae.

And Yixing wishes he could give him all that. Tell him they’ll all be together soon but he doesn’t know. He wants to reassure Baekhyun but he doesn’t make these decisions. He gently rubs his back to soothe him.

“We’re always here”, he says instead and means every word of it.

Baekhyun falls asleep with tears still staining his cheeks and Yixing swears he hears him whisper Jongdae’s name in his sleep.

* * *

The group doesn’t feel right, even now that the remaining members have been put together. 

Baekhyun doesn’t admit how happy he is to have Jongdae back when they’re all still adjusting. He doesn’t admit how it makes him feel complete, even with the pain of parting he still struggles with.

But Jongdae catches on anyway. It shows in the way he lets Baekhyun cuddle up to him when they are resting in the dorms. In the way he lets Baekhyun sleep in his bed because he knows he hates sleeping alone. In the way he seeks Baekhyun out whenever he feels the other is keeping to himself to much. 

He doesn’t allow Baekhyun to shut him out. He doesn’t give him space to sulk in sadness. He keeps him grounded in the present, almost like an anchor.

Baekhyun doesn’t understand how Jongdae can be so caring, but breathing has become easier once again.

* * *

They grow up a lot. They grow closer too, if that was even possible. 

Baekhyun is touchy - has always been and will probably always be. He does it with everyone, playing around and being painfully unaware of personal space at all. 

No one ever really minds, despite all their protests, because Baekhyun is nothing if not lovable. 

But Jongdae likes to think it’s different with him. Baekhyun pinches him, pushes him and messes with him just the way he does with all the other members but Jongdae is the only one he comes to for comforting hugs, soft cuddles and genuine affection.

They never talk about it but Jongdae assumes they both know. 

There are moments where it’s so confusing, where he doesn’t know if they’re actions still qualify for friends and where he doesn’t know if he wants them to anymore.

Moments, when Baekhyun walks over to him and doesn’t say a word at all, just buries his head in Jongdae’s chest, bending down a little because they’re practically the same height and Jongdae can’t help but wrap an arm around his shoulders and press a kiss to the top of his head like he means it because maybe, he does.

Moments, when Baekhyun moves back into him and Jongdae takes it as his cue to sneak his arms around Baekhyun’s middle and lets Baekhyun rest against him, back pressed to his chest and so, so comforting. 

Moments, when Jongdae allows himself to touch, Baekhyun’s neck, his hips, his chest, his back, anything he can find an excuse for – but always so caring and careful – and he revels in the way in which Baekhyun stills under his fingertips, letting them calm him as he leans into the touch, even after all this time.

Moments when Baekhyun stares at him with that look in his eyes, the only one Jongdae can’t quite identify and read like the rest of Baekhyun’s expressions. When Baekhyun smiles at him so brightly, so proudly and so, so sincerely that it reaches his eyes and turns them into half moons and Jongdae can’t help but mirror that exact expression. 

Jongdae doesn’t really know what it is – this bond they have – but he loves it. Needs it too, needs Baekhyun like he doesn’t really need anyone else and never really has before. 

He wouldn’t give it up for the life of him. 

He doesn’t understand it, but he can tell that the feeling’s mutual. For the time being, that’s enough.

* * *

Jongdae has always been an open person. He expresses himself and how he feels, he is straight forward and honest and everyone loves him for it.

He praises Baekhyun a lot – he knows – but he can’t help it. It’s just the truth and he never feels regret whenever he rants on in interviews just about how amazing his friend really is.

Baekhyun is very much the same but different at the same time. His appreciation for Jongdae is subtle but still so undeniably obvious. He’ll let his praises slip into his tweets and nonchalant remarks to his fans. He’ll let himself be more open in his lives and he never fails to promote his fellow vocalist and all his talent that still manages to amaze him.

Jongdae’s debut as a solo artist has Baekhyun at least as hyped as the artist himself. He swoons about his songs and his voice and the video in making to everyone he knows, not feeling an ounce of jealousy within his heart because Jongdae deserves this so much and he’s never seen him happier and that’s all that matters. 

He tags along to recordings and drops by the filming set, always full of smiles and encouraging words. 

He brings him food and drinks just because he knows how much Jongdae loves to eat and because it makes his face light up in a way that Baekhyun will never get tired off. 

Back at home, he cuddles Jongdae whenever he’s exhausted, massages him when he’s sore and does soothing vocal practices with him that usually end up with them both humming silly melodies that still somehow sound good together until they burst into laughter.

Back at home, he drags Jongdae into his bed because he still hates sleeping alone after all these years and Jongdae just helps him wind down, but he will never tell him that.

“I know you sleep better with me”, he teases instead and pulls Jongdae close with a pout until he gives in and wraps his arms around Baekhyun. He hums his song until they fall asleep.

Back at home, Baekhyun is everything Jongdae could have asked for but he doesn’t dare to think about what exactly that would be.

The release of his album is nothing short of amazing. Baekhyun watches the showcase live, of course he does, and he isn’t even jealous of Minseok, who gets to host it all, because he knows just how much the older means to Jongdae.

He also watches his busking event, not through a screen this time but he doesn’t tell Jongdae that. He stands far away in the darkest corner, hat pulled down to hide his face along with his mask and dressed as casually as possible. He’s never been so determined not to get recognized because this isn’t about him. He’s too hot and his spot sucks but he hears Jongdae’s laugh echo through the shopping mall, his beautiful voice singing the ballads Baekhyun loves so much and he catches a glimpse of his smile, eyes all sparkly and happy and it’s totally worth it. 

He also shows off Jongdae’s songs whenever he can. He plays them at his gym, uploads them on youtube and sings along Jongdae during his lives. It’s honest and sincere and not awkward because Baekhyun thinks supporting a friend goes without a saying and he’s just bursting with pride. 

He doesn’t admit that he goes a little overboard because making Jongdae happy gets him high like nothing else. 

Secretly, Jongdae watches all the lives and videos Baekhyun’s uploaded. He even dares to ask Chanyeol for help when he can’t find all the footage he’s looking for – social media has never been his thing – and he ignores the questioning looks it earns him. He watches and watches and watches, repeats the videos over and over again until he knows them by heart and he doesn’t even register the smile on his face, cheeks flushed and glowing. 

He likes the way his name sounds when Baekhyun says it, likes the way his songs sound in his voice and he is so touched that he could have cried or hugged Baekhyun to death right then and there.

And maybe kissed him too.

Later that night, when he puts his phone away, he’s suddenly afraid because maybe, the way they feel about each other isn’t all that mutual anymore.

* * *

It’s a little different after that. 

Jongdae is careful, alert. His touches don’t really linger anymore, he doesn’t seek out Baekhyun’s physical affection nor returns it as before and he stays the nights at Minseok’s house because nowadays he can’t sleep when Baekhyun is close, but he can never refuse him either.

At least the timing is perfect, with Minseok’s enlistment so close, Baekhyun doesn’t really question Jongdae. They barely hang out, which is why Jongdae doesn’t get to see the dark circles under Baekhyun’s eyes or his lack of energy that betray just how much his absence affects Baekhyun. 

He cannot really sleep anymore because he misses Jongdae so much and spends his nights wondering what made him pull away like this. It hurts.

But they’re all a little off, a little distant and a little lost. Baekhyun just gives him his space, hoping that Jongdae will come back to him when things are easier. It doesn’t take away the pain of it all.

When Minseok eventually does enlist, they all could have drowned in misery and even Baekhyun finds it hard to lift the spirits of his group members.

They know it’s just enlistment, they will all have to go through it, and he won’t even be away for half as long as he’s been together with them but it’s still hard.

When you’ve lived together for years and seen each other almost every single day, when spending even just a month apart is long and when leaving is something none of them have a good experience with, then yes, it’s hard. 

The surprise for Minseok’s last event with his fans was Junmyeon’s idea and they had all jumped at it. Chanyeol of course couldn’t help shoving his camera into Minseok’s astonished face, screams of fans ringing all around them. 

When they deliver their speeches, Jongin finally makes Minseok tear up because he doesn’t want to leave, of course he doesn’t want to leave, and his members aren’t making it easier. 

He’s eternally glad for Kyungsoo’s deadpan remark and it makes him smile a little.

“It’s not like he’s moving to another country”

_No, indeed, he’s not._

Baekhyun stands a little apart, observing for once instead of acting and his heart breaks a little.

He sees Minseok, whom he wants to stay so bad and he sees Jongin on the verge of tears himself and then he sees Jongdae, so clearly fighting with his own emotions because Minseok means the world to him and Baekhyun knows that. 

Jongdae doesn’t cry in front of people and Baekhyun bets he barely cries alone but right then, he can see him struggling to suppress his tears.

Baekhyun knows he doesn’t want to make it harder for Minseok by being sad because Jongdae just isn’t like that.

It makes Baekhyun force himself to be strong because this is probably even worse for Jongdae than for himself and he wants to be there for his members. 

And so, he remains standing apart for a little while, playing with his jacket like a child to distract himself as he stares at the floor because he’s so close to crying and he refuses to give in. He can be there for Jongdae too. It’s not a oneway street.

Later when they return to the dorm, he sees Jongdae slumped down on the sofa like a pile of misery and he forgets about his resolution to give him time and space when he sinks down next to him, cradling him into his arms and softly kissing his head. 

Jongdae wants to protest and move away, hating the way his heart still jumps and picks up beat at Baekhyun’s proximity, even as heartbroken as he is today. 

Baekhyun makes it so hard for Jongdae to stop falling for him. He just does, falls, every single day and he knows it’s not his place.

But he doesn’t have the energy to tell him off right now because maybe he missed Baekhyun and maybe he needs Baekhyun and maybe his touch alone is making him feel better and he is too sad to really care anyway.

* * *

Jongdae admires Baekhyun’s resilience. He knows he’s working on his solo debut like crazy and it makes him so happy to think they will both be on the same page soon. Since day one, he never wanted anything more but built his career alongside Baekhyun and getting to do just that still seems like a bit of a dream.

He forces himself to forget about his feelings in favor of supporting his friend, just the way Baekhyun had done for him a mere few months ago. They’re back to normal, all jokes and smiles and affection, even with Baekhyun busier than ever.

But Jongdae also knows why Baekhyun is so adamant about keeping himself distracted. He’s been out and about ever since Kyungsoo told them he would enlist too and soon. 

Baekhyun thinks he can’t afford to break down now. He thinks it’s unfair. He wants to mourn and spend every waking second with Kyungsoo before he leaves but he just can’t. 

He feels a little alone too because Sehun and Chanyeol are both working on their subunit and he really just wants to play around with their youngest and cuddle up to Chanyeol and game a little. 

He doesn’t really sleep because it gives him too much time to think. He doesn’t really eat because he believes he needs to diet. He cries sometimes too, although silently and always alone. He’s spiraling. Jongdae can see it.

“Eat with me?”, he asks around lunchtime day after day and Baekhyun always cedes and munches on half of what is on his plate without ever looking at Jongdae because Jongdae just knows him too well.

“You’re overworking”, Jongdae states one particular time and ignores the glare it earns him, “We never spend any time together anymore”

Baekhyun doesn’t think about the words, his brain to mouth filter blatantly ignored when he just lets out a cynical laugh because he’s so stressed that he can’t focus on Jongdae right now and he speaks before he can stop himself.

“You’re the one who’s never there for me anymore and you didn’t even tell me why”

He leaves after that, feeling like he said too much and not enough at the same time, but he can’t focus on that either. He can’t focus on anything at all.

Jongdae suddenly wonders if this is why Baekhyun whines so much about Chanyeol and Sehun and Kyungsoo when he himself has been right there all along.

He scowls at the food Baekhyun has left behind and feels for the first time that he has unintentionally hurt the other.

* * *

They work things out, all of them. The way they always do. _Almost_.

Kyungsoo is brave and headstrong, unwilling to let his members even shed a tear for him. After all, enlistment was his choice and he would be back before they’d know it. He’s going to miss them all like crazy. His fans too. But he doesn’t need to say that for them to know. He shows it every day.

Junmyeon finally sits Baekhyun down – after plenty of nagging from Jongdae – and forces him to drop his unhealthy work schedule. His debut would be perfect, everyone knows that.

Yixing sends his best wishes and apologies that he cannot be there for the solo debut. Baekhyun’s heart warms at the message but he makes it clear that Yixing coming specifically to send Kyungsoo off was more than enough. Yixing has enough worries as it is and Baekhyun refuses to be one of them.

Jongdae continues to pester Baekhyun about his health because Baekhyun gets crazy ideas and the weirdest perception of himself at times and he is always worried. 

He doesn’t care that Baekhyun snaps at him whenever he brings it up. He doesn’t care that Baekhyun makes snide remarks whenever he tries to talk to him. He cares about Baekhyun.

He is worried because Baekhyun still won’t let him in and he wonders why he is so hurt and it kills him a little every day because Baekhyun just really doesn’t know. 

If he did, he would probably be ignoring Jongdae all the same but for different reasons.

* * *

Jongdae begs to be the MC for Baekhyun’s showcase. Not that he would have to, there really is no other more logical and more suitable choice than him.

He doesn’t want to tell Baekhyun and keep it a surprise, but he’s forced to let him prepare his lines. He’s a little hurt when Baekhyun just shrugs it off as if he doesn’t care, displeased if anything, but he bites his tongue. He’s doing this for Baekhyun, whether he accepts it or not.

But he’s doing it for himself as well. 

He wants to be the one presenting Baekhyun to the world as a solo artist and no one else. He wants to see him on stage because that’s where Baekhyun belongs and he wants to hear his perfect songs in his perfect voice as well. 

Most of all, he wants Baekhyun to see how much it means to him as well - how proud he is that this is the person he has been cheering for since they met each other, the person he always believed in and the person who has been with him all these years. 

He buys some of Baekhyun’s favourite ice cream cakes before he leaves.

* * *

Jongdae arrives shortly before Baekhyun has to go on stage. He wanted to come sooner, but he didn’t want to tick the other off before his showcase. He’s nervous. He’s never before been nervous about seeing Baekhyun. Not like this.

“You’re late”

Baekhyun’s voice calls out to him and then he’s standing right there. Jongdae swallows. 

“I’m not”

“Why didn’t you come with me?”

Jongdae is caught off guard. He blinks at Baekhyun.

“I didn’t think you’d want me to”, he admits honestly, no more avoiding the truth because that didn’t get him anywhere in the first place. He looks down; doesn’t see Baekhyun smiling softly at him, doesn’t see Baekhyun step closer until he’s pulled for a hug. 

“You’re so stupid”

Jongdae feels both of Baekhyun’s arms wrap around him tightly and his heart hammers so hard he’s scared Baekhyun can feel it, but he never wants to let go. 

“I’m sorry”, Baekhyun mumbles and Jongdae is pulled in a little deeper once again, but he doesn’t mind if it makes him feel like this. 

Maybe, being friends is good enough after all. 

Baekhyun disturbs his thoughts by stealing the box of ice cream cakes from his hand and running off to his changing room, careless laughter echoing through the hallway. Jongdae thinks it’s delightful.

* * *

Baekhyun looks at Jongdae and for a second, Jongdae his afraid that Baekhyun can _see_ it. 

See how much he loves him because he can’t stop smiling and glowing with pride and rant about Baekhyun’s talent and his amazing music and the great person he is. 

See how he looks at Baekhyun differently from when they had met each other seven years ago because Baekhyun has become so much more to him than just a fellow trainee. 

See how it’s not just friendship anymore. It’s friendship above all but Jongdae thinks he likes Baekhyun a little more than that. 

But Baekhyun doesn’t really pay attention. He’s preoccupied with his own emotions, biting down hard on the inside of his cheek to keep himself together because every time he glances at Jongdae, he feels so overwhelmed with gratefulness that he could melt to a puddle on the floor. 

Sometimes in moments like these, he just can’t believe that Jongdae is still there. He’s still with him, standing right by his side, putting up with his silly antics, his loudness and his sass through it all without ever letting him down. 

Baekhyun’s heart pinches a little at the thought because Jongdae is loud and fun all the same, but he’s also so thoughtful and kinder and he knows to be quiet whenever Baekhyun doesn’t. 

He looks at Jongdae right then and sees just about his entire world – everything he wants to be, everything he has and is, his career and his youth and his life – and it’s just that one person smiling at him as if he’s got no faults at all when he knows he does and he prays that will never change. 

It’s a little funny because they’re still the same after all, Baekhyun and Jongdae. They’ve become Baekhyun and Chen from EXO, Baekhyun and Chen as soloists, Baekhyun and Chen as models, actors and songwriters. But it’s still just them, together. Baekhyun hopes it always would be.

He remembers how often they stood on stage like this, to practice, to get judged, to prove themselves. Back then, when it was just the two of them. And now, so many years later, it’s once again just the two of them when everything else around them has changed and he feels like no one will ever quite reach that place in his heart where he holds Jongdae. 

To this day, even when he’s about to debut as a solo artist, he still finds Jongdae’s presence as grounding as he did so long ago, before their first-ever examination in front of SM’s jury.

Jongdae calms him, almost like a lullaby and his voice steadies him, encourages him and makes him feel at ease. It’s something so familiar that it makes the strangest of things seem less scary. Things like debuting his solo album. 

He won’t tell a soul about the way he panicked just before the showcase, locking himself into his changing room, so close to tears because he thought Jongdae had changed his mind and wouldn’t come. And it would have been his own fault.

Gratefulness is what he feels most of all when he looks at Jongdae beaming at him so brightly. So proudly. 

“Still cheering for you”, Jongdae says before he leaves the stage, leaning in close enough that just Baekhyun can hear him, “I knew you’d succeed”

Baekhyun shivers because Jongdae’s been telling him this for years now, ever since he was a trainee and whenever he would be nervous or doubt himself. It had become a sort of mantra to him, secretly of course. 

He stares after Jongdae when he exits the stage and feels warmth expand through his chest. Maybe gratefulness isn’t the only thing he feels whenever he looks at Jongdae.

* * *

Jongdae doesn’t leave, doesn’t retire to the dressing room, doesn’t even grab his phone from the jacket hanging at the entrance.

He stays glued to the floor, hidden behind the curtain and watches Baekhyun for the rest of his showcase. 

He doesn’t take note of the time that passes.

He’s so entranced by Baekhyun just being himself, so kind to his fans, so endearing and adorable but teasing and entertaining at the same time. 

He looks at Baekhyun, really looks at him now that he’s alone and off camera and Baekhyun is too busy to catch him staring.

He takes in his attire – all black and sexy – matching the vibe of his album that is so different from what they had all expected. Jongdae’s eyes linger on Baekhyun’s slim legs, clad in tight leather pants and then on his broad shoulders accentuated by the jacket he’s wearing. He thinks Baekhyun looks downright tempting and he hates himself for it but he realises once and for all that friendship is not the only thing he wants anymore. It’s not enough.

He hears Baekhyun laugh, eyes crinkling and head thrown back as the sound blasts through the microphone. Jongdae forgets all about how hot and sexy Baekhyun looks in his new concept.

He just thinks Baekhyun is beautiful.

* * *

Their reconciliation doesn’t last long after Baekhyun’s debut. 

They might be freakishly alike in so many things but they’re entirely different when it comes to dealing with their feelings.

Baekhyun has become clingier than ever and even touchier as if making Jongdae uncomfortable is his sole purpose. 

He doesn’t understand the way Jongdae makes him feel and has avoided it ever since his showcase. 

But he knows he wants him close, needs him like oxygen and he thinks maybe he can get his fill without having to speak up.

Maybe he can forget all about this and just cuddle Jongdae and call it a day because he loves Jongdae so much and needs him as his friend so bad that he’s scared to lose him for good if they try to figure out all the things they really want.

He doesn’t need more - not if it means risking what they already have. He lets himself believe that.

Meanwhile, Jongdae has difficulties spending any time with Baekhyun at all. He cancels their plans and pushes him away more often than not because he can’t take his overly affectionate self anymore. 

Not when Baekhyun leaves touches that set his skin on fire, making him feel like he means it but then he’ll laugh it off and Jongdae knows he doesn’t and it just hurts too much.

Not when Baekhyun literally gives him everything; willing to press random kisses to his cheeks or his temple, to hold his hand or hug him close and he’s always so content to be doted on as well, to be held and cuddled and kissed and Jongdae can’t do it anymore. 

He can’t give and take all he wants from Baekhyun but know that he’ll never have him. 

He tries to distract himself, tries everything to forget all about Baekhyun because they can never happen and it breaks his heart. 

He even brings home a girl or two although he never does just because he knows Baekhyun is out with someone else as well but he can never go through with it and just makes them stay the night so he can hold them as he tries to picture someone else entirely and struggles to fall asleep at all.

He doesn’t know that just a few rooms away, Baekhyun is doing the same.

* * *

It doesn’t last long before Baekhyun makes Jongdae talk. 

It’s a mess, Jongdae is panicking and he’s so convinced that confessing will ruin it all between them but he doesn’t have a choice anymore.

He starts crying, not a lot, but the tears are there alright and Baekhyun’s expression softens at Jongdae’s distress and he’s so taken aback because he’s never seen him cry like this that he doesn’t know what to do. 

Jongdae cries when they watch sad movies or he sheds a tear when something makes him really, really happy but he never cries because he’s hurt or angry or in pain. 

He’s always strong, always so strong that it’s part of why Baekhyun needs him so much. His heart aches.

But Jongdae eventually gives in and tells Baekhyun, tells him everything because he once told himself it’s friendship above all and friends tell each other about these things.

He tells Baekhyun how he’s been looking at him differently since his solo debut in April. He tells Baekhyun much he really likes him, that he likes him so much he can’t stand to be close to him anymore, that he likes him so much it hurts to know he will never look at him like that and that he likes him so much he dies a little every time he brings someone home who isn’t him. 

He tells Baekhyun he likes him so much he feels like falling in love every single day in vain.

When Baekhyun looks at him as if he’s seen a ghost, Jongdae is convinced he screwed up. There goes seven years of friendship and the only person that ever meant this much to him. He cries a little harder.

“You love me?”

Jongdae just stares at the floor in humiliation and hates himself for the truth in those words.

Baekhyun’s face falls a little because he realises he’s been breaking Jongdae’s heart for months and that revelation hits him right into his chest.

He despises himself for his ignorance because suddenly, everything makes sense.

Jongdae distancing himself right after his debut when Minseok enlisted, Jongdae nagging him about his eating habits, Jongdae still caring for him throughout his own solo debut although he behaved so unpleasantly towards him, Jongdae wanting to host his showcase, Jongdae pushing him away whenever they have no schedules…

Jongdae doesn’t want to hurt him. Jongdae’s in love with him and he’s trying so hard no to be.

Baekhyun remembers how grateful he was for Jongdae during his showcase, coming to support him even when Baekhyun had at first pretended not to want him there. 

Jongdae hadn’t come as a friend. He had come for Baekhyun because he’d loved him all this time. Loves him still. Would love him forever after this as well, regardless of the outcome. 

Baekhyun confesses too, if only to make Jongdae stop crying but he means it.

He tells Jongdae he can’t sleep anymore when he’s alone, tells him he sends his escorts right back home because they aren’t who he really wants, tells him he clings to him so much just so he can tell himself that it’s enough - that friendship is enough.

He tells him he just wants to be close to him, wants to be with him in whatever way he can. 

He also tells Jongdae he doesn’t know what it means and he has no idea what they’re doing but god, he’s willing to try and make it right, try to make it up to him if it means he can have his friend back and maybe a little more than that too. 

Jongdae is stunned silent because out of all the scenarios he got figured out in his mind, this has never even been an option. He feels like crying all over again but Baekhyun is faster, reaching out to wipe his tears away because the sight burns into his heart like acid.

He takes advantage of Jongdae’s silence and leans in to kiss him because he’s wanted to do that for a while now and they’re already a mess anyway and Jongdae loves him. 

The kiss is slow and gentle, lips moving softly against each other, exploring, feeling. Jongdae can’t help the soft whimper he releases because he’s been waiting for so long and Baekhyun feels like home and he can finally breathe. 

Baekhyun thinks Jongdae’s lips taste like heaven, even as salty from his tears as they are and if he had any doubts about the way he feels about Jongdae, they are certainly gone now. 

He doesn’t stop, pushes deeper instead, allows himself to put his hands on Jongdae’s face to ground himself because no one’s ever kissed him like this and he’s lost.

They pull apart, cheeks flushed and shy smiles on both their faces because this is so new and they’re both too old to behave like teenage dorks but here they are and neither would have changed a single thing about it. 

“I cherish you”, Baekhyun grins, so proud of the reference he’s made to their song and Jongdae punches him into the shoulder because he’s such an idiot.

Jongdae is stupidly in love. Baekhyun plans to keep him that way.

**Author's Note:**

> I might make it into a full on fanfic if y'all like it and I find the time and I advance with Chanbaek as well haha...tell me if that'd be smt you'd read? <33


End file.
